Today was our last scheduled post-op visit to the vet. Ruby got her staples removed. The incision looks really good and has healed nicely. She was a big ‘fraidy cat at the vet’s as usual, so I held her on my lap while they removed the staples. She didn’t want to get up off of my lap when they were done. I told the vet it was just like when I met her at the shelter. That poor sickly, skinny puppy crawled onto my lap and fell asleep. The staff had to pick her up and carry her off so I could sign the paperwork to bring her home. The vet said the dogs often pick their owners, and Ruby picked me.
Ruby in her brand new bed. I think Harry the cat is a bit jealous.
My emotions got the better of me last night. Ruby and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV. I was giving her scritches (she loves getting her armpits scratched) when I noticed her panting a bit. She’s never been much of a panter. Only when she is very overheated, or scared/upset. So naturally I completely overreacted and started sobbing.
Did I do the right thing for her with the amputation? Has the cancer already spread and she’s in pain? Am I being selfish trying to get more time with her? Am I being selfish by not doing chemo/radiation? Should I try to buy her more time? What’s the right answer?
Ruby’s new shirt. Inspired by the Black Knight from Monty Python.
I just want to do right by Ruby. At first, I tried to inject some humor into the situation (see shirt above). I call her “Hoppy” and “Stumps.” But, now she’s been sleeping so much this last week I worry she’s in pain, or the cancer’s already back. She coughed a bit when we were sitting on the deck this afternoon, so my brain jumped straight to “the cancer is in her lungs.” When maybe she just had something stuck in her throat because she thinks she’s a goat and always tries to eat the tall grass.
I wish I knew how to be rational in this situation, but it’s harder than I’d imagined. We can never really know how much time any of us have. But I’m still not ready to say goodbye, and I worry I’ll be forced to before I’m ready. Would I ever be ready? I suppose not.
So, Ruby and I aren’t going to count days. We’re going to count experiences. Today that included a Puppuccino from the Starbuck’s drive-thru and hanging out on the deck/back yard all afternoon enjoying the nice weather. Tomorrow, we’re going to see her favorite people (Grammy, PopPop, and the kids.) After that? Who knows. But I’ve got some good stuff planned for my Rougarou.
Starbucks Puppuccino Face.
If it is any help, all of us go through exactly what you are feeling. There was a post a while back because a dog was sneezing and the owner was concerned about cancer in the lungs. Otis has mets, and the onco told me last week that his panting is heat or exertion, not due to mets. Remember that it takes a lot of work to get around on 3. She is using muscles differently. And remember, you are still early in a recovery process – she has been on lots of meds. So kind of a lot going on in her world. No time is ever enough, so just focus on enjoying each day.
Oh dear, those cats can be sneaky. Maybe Harry will cuddle with Rudy in the new bed? Things do get easier once the stitches are out so I hope it’s smooth sailing for you and Ruby. Is Ruby part staffy terrier by chance? She has lovely eyes.
Kerren and Tripawd Mona
I could totally see me having the same fears and worries that you mentioned. Last night was our first night home with Kylie after her surgery & I worried about every noise I heard and every movement she made.
I wanted to say that I loved your attitude about counting experiences and I’m going to remember that as our journey continues too! So thank you xo
Love the shirt, btw, and your sense of humor (and Ruby’s too, of course)!
Lisa and Pofi