The Three-Legged Rougarou

I took Ruby to the vet for surgery in 2016 for what we thought was a torn ligament. They did an x-ray before surgery and found it was a large tumor instead.  Since she was already prepped for surgery, and the chest x-ray was clear, we went ahead with the amputation immediately.  The post-amputation biopsy came back positive for osteosarcoma. Ugh. All my research said I’d be lucky to have another year with her.

August 2017, we celebrated her first ampuversary. She was still doing well, but I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. All her checkups were good, and she was just my happy, hoppy, wiggly girl still. So we kept going.

1st Ampuversary – August 24, 2017

Suddenly, it was August 2018 and we were celebrating her second ampuversary! This was about the time I started to think we were in the clear. She surpassed her life expectancy by an extra year! Maybe we’d caught it in time, and the amputation was enough to keep it from spreading.

2nd Ampuversary – August 24, 2018

Then, late in September she stopped eating her kibble. I thought maybe she was just over it. So I switched to something different, softer.  That worked for a few days. Then she stopped eating that. I started to notice she was losing weight. She was still interested in “people” food so she was getting snacks when I would share. But one day, I gave her a piece of my string cheese, which is her absolute favorite. I’ve never eaten a whole string cheese while she’s in the house. But she wouldn’t take it. I set it down in front of her and she turned away. I called and made a vet appointment right away.

The vet checked her out and everything looked OK, other than the weight loss, but she wanted to do an x-ray “just to check.” My vet, admittedly, doesn’t have a poker face. When she walked into the room I knew it wasn’t good.  She’s got 3 spots on her lungs, one large one on her spleen, and her liver and spleen are enlarged.

So, there isn’t much to be done now. I had decided against chemo after the amputation, and I’m sticking with that.  I just know it’s not right for us, and the vet concurred that there wouldn’t be much benefit from chemo at this point. She gave us some medicine to help with nausea in case that’s why she wasn’t eating.

I know I’m incredibly lucky to have been blessed with two more years with Ruby after her osteosarcoma diagnosis, and knew this was coming… but it still sucks so hard.

For now, I’m just keeping her comfortable. Feeding her whatever snacks she wants (lots and lots of chicken!) She’s getting lots of snuggles and spending time with her favorite people. I’m just waiting for her to tell me when she’s ready to go… and hoping I’m able (and willing) to recognize the signs.

Yes, I did dress up like Ruby (for a scavenger hunt). We like to stare off into the middle distance and contemplate the meaning of life.

Harry lovin’ on Ruby.

I’m starting to think Harry the cat knows something is up.  He’s been loving on Ruby a lot this past week.  Normally, he’s pretty wary of her so this is something new.  Ruby typically goes to sleep in her bed right next to my bed, but sneaks up sometime in the middle of the night. It’s a high bed, but luckily there is a small couch at the end of it that makes a perfect step up. I used to get annoyed, but now I’m just happy to have her near me. Recently, she’s needs a hand to get up, and somehow I always seem to wake up in time to give her a boost.

Harry does what he wants (he’s a cat, remember) so he climbs into and out of bed whenever he feels like it.  Before Ruby’s amputation, I’d wake up most mornings with Harry on one side of me and Ruby on the other. They’d sleep in the same bed, but never touch. The other morning I woke up to Harry giving Ruby some hugs (cat headbutts). Ruby mostly seemed confused, but didn’t object to it.  Then Harry basically sat on her head:

“Umm… there appears to be a cat on my head. Care to do anything about this?”

I’m loving this new found friendship between them, but it makes me wonder if Harry “knows.” I do think animals can sense things we can’t so perhaps Harry feels that Ruby is sick and wants to show her extra kindness. Although, I’m not sure where the above picture falls on the “kindness scale.”

Ruby got some extra human lovin’ this weekend, too.  We went over to my parents’ house on Saturday and Sunday. That’s her happy place. Ruby doesn’t much care for most people. Men especially frighten her, but she *loves* my mom, dad, nephews and niece, and tolerates my brother. When we’re getting ready to go over there I ask “Do you want to go see your people?” She always responds with lots of wiggles, because they are.  I’m her “person,” but they’re her “people.”

Lots of extra scritches from Grammy!

She got lots of lovin’ from everyone. Dinner Sunday may or may not have been steak (talk about spoiled!)

I have to say my favorite part of the long weekend was little Milo.  He’s the youngest son of my brother’s girlfriend. He’d never seen a tripawd before, so of course the first thing out of his mouth was “Will it grow back?”  Followed quickly by, “will you get her a robot leg?”

Later, he suggested the vet should have moved her remaining back leg to the middle to make it easier for her to get around.  I told him I’d mention it when we go back.

I’ve been having a hard time since the surgery. Not sure if I did right by Ruby, but being able to joke about her missing leg with a 7-year-old really helped.

Ruby’s still sleeping a lot, and I’m hoping it’s just her recovery from surgery and nothing more sinister. Either way, I’m working on a bucket list of experiences for her (and me) to accomplish before it’s time to say goodbye. Since Ruby doesn’t care much for the company of other dogs, most of the items will be treats and trips to see her people.

I did see a post on here where someone made muffins for doggy friends and I’m going to steal that idea. There are a lot of dogs in the neighborhood, and while Ruby doesn’t much care for other dogs, I think it would be a nice random act of kindness to leave some treats for the neighbor doggies in her name, whether Ruby is a fan of them or not. So, I’ve got to first track down that recipe, then get baking! I think I’ll try to deliver them next Ruby Tuesday.

Today was our last scheduled post-op visit to the vet.  Ruby got her staples removed. The incision looks really good and has healed nicely. She was a big ‘fraidy cat at the vet’s as usual, so I held her on my lap while they removed the staples. She didn’t want to get up off of my lap when they were done. I told the vet it was just like when I met her at the shelter. That poor sickly, skinny puppy crawled onto my lap and fell asleep. The staff had to pick her up and carry her off so I could sign the paperwork to bring her home.  The vet said the dogs often pick their owners, and Ruby picked me.

Ruby in her brand new bed. I think Harry the cat is a bit jealous.

My emotions got the better of me last night. Ruby and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV. I was giving her scritches (she loves getting her armpits scratched) when I noticed her panting a bit. She’s never been much of a panter. Only when she is very overheated, or scared/upset. So naturally I completely overreacted and started sobbing.

Did I do the right thing for her with the amputation? Has the cancer already spread and she’s in pain? Am I being selfish trying to get more time with her? Am I being selfish by not doing chemo/radiation? Should I try to buy her more time? What’s the right answer?

Ruby’s new shirt. Inspired by the Black Knight from Monty Python.

I just want to do right by Ruby. At first, I tried to inject some humor into the situation (see shirt above).  I call her “Hoppy” and “Stumps.” But, now she’s been sleeping so much this last week I worry she’s in pain, or the cancer’s already back. She coughed a bit when we were sitting on the deck this afternoon, so my brain jumped straight to “the cancer is in her lungs.” When maybe she just had something stuck in her throat because she thinks she’s a goat and always tries to eat the tall grass.

I wish I knew how to be rational in this situation, but it’s harder than I’d imagined. We can never really know how much time any of us have. But I’m still not ready to say goodbye, and I worry I’ll be forced to before I’m ready. Would I ever be ready? I suppose not.

So, Ruby and I aren’t going to count days. We’re going to count experiences. Today that included a Puppuccino from the Starbuck’s drive-thru and hanging out on the deck/back yard all afternoon enjoying the nice weather. Tomorrow, we’re going to see her favorite people (Grammy, PopPop, and the kids.) After that? Who knows. But I’ve got some good stuff planned for my Rougarou.

Starbucks Puppuccino Face.